Things that Fly!

Where I should Be.

I often wonder about my position in life. To be honest it's on my mind most of the time. It's isn't something so straightforward anymore-- the loops are too many to count. But here is a basic one.

I used to think I would belong to some place else. So I traveled a bit. No real leads there. That's not to say I don't belong somewhere else, just that it didn't feel right looking for other places to be. And so I came back home and began the process of settling in, getting ready for a bit of a rooted life. Towards the end of my travels I picked up a bit of a counter-culture attitude. I think it may have had something to do with bitterness about not actually finding a desolate beach and a beautiful girl.

From this attitude I have so far developed a passionate loathing for authority, governments, corporations, relationships, and popular culture in general. I try my hardest to live my live in direct opposition to so many dynamic forces that I'm not actually living. Living against something isn't living at all. I realize that if Utopia surrounded me I would still find it flawed and ugly. It may just be human nature to desire change and growth-- to hope for a better future no matter how good the present actually is. And so I think I have to let go a bit. I don't mean that I should throw away my direction, or scrutinize my world less intensely. I simply mean that fighting culture, doesn't change culture. It doesn't create new culture, or new ideas.

And its wordy. It's almost like I'm saying that by not fighting I'm fighting. And I think a little ambiguity is good, cause I don't think I've actually made up my mind about what I'm doing. But at this point I just feel that my contributions to our culture would be more beneficial if I took the time to be more innovative about my approach to changing the world. So much of this has to do with building up a language that can be used to discuss matters like this. I just feel like most of the time I'm too intimidated to write out what I'm thinking because I don't know how to relate them using words.

I guess the real innovation is finding the words to convey ideas using existing language. it's hard to keep things simple.

posted by Rob and Lauren @ 1:34 AM