Things that Fly!

Nothing is Better

My mom wants me to make a list of things I want for Christmas. She still thinks I'm her little boy. She can't afford to buy me anything, the truth is she can't afford to make the mortgage payments on the house we live in. When the alimony runs out from my dad I don't know what's going to happen. My Sister will move out soon with her boyfriend. I want to buy a condo by the end of this year. Living with my mom puts a huge strain on our relationship. I felt a lot closer to her when I was on the other side of the world and talking to her through a telephone. And now that I'm back, things are messy. I make things messier than they are or need to be. I worry about her MS. About how she'll work, where she'll go, and how my sister and I are what makes her happy. But it isn't even us that makes her happy, it is her role as 'mother' that makes her happy. But I don't need to be taken care of anymore, and the truth is that she does. And all at once I see my life spilled out in front of me. And I think of Jack Kerouac, ever able to balance mother with unbrideled adventure. I wish that was me. I don't know what to do. I'm 21 and desperate for total independence. But she's my mother and I won't leave her behind---no matter how different we are.

A truly frustrating situation, especially given I have at least 5 more years of school left, and I'm barely in the postion to be supporting myself. I don't know what to do.

In other news... (they don't actually say that on the news do they?). I rejoined Tae Kwon Do last week. I left 4 years ago just before testing for my second degree blackbelt. I have forgotten everything now and I'm quite a sight to see. Not to mention am I ever out of shape. It feels so good though. After each session, I am so exhausted a blissful dreamy wave passes over me.

Also, this past week I had the opportunity to discover a new radio station. CKUA. For the past few months I've been driving in my car with the radio turned off. I just got sick of all the stupid over played songs, and constant advertisements from stations like the bear, 96x, and JOE FM. I just didn't think I had an Alternative. On the way to work one day I saw a bumper sticker for CKUA and tuned in. It has an awesome diverse amount of programming. While I don't like all the music they play, I've also discovered CJSR and a couple classical stations. I'm definately soaking up the diverse spectrum of FM now. Steering clear of horrible pop-culture. I listened to an awesome program of 20's-40's jazz on the way home tonight. Nat King Cole. Man that was music. Gets you thinking and makes you happy, not like...well today's music. Britney Spears makes me want to gag on spoons until I die.

Theres a link to CKUA on the right, follow it and then click on the Listen live button.

posted by Rob and Lauren @ 12:11 AM