1. If you don't try, you'll never know how far you could have gone.
I live my life as though I am in recovery. It's not a positive sort of control. It's living with the fear of conceding any ground to the unfamiliar. While I'm not satisfied with the present and want to move forward, I'm just too scared to move. I'm scared of anything that feels good. I'm scared to lose myself in anything too passionately. There are a lot of things I Love, but nothing that is the center of my life. And I might be talking about a girl, but that's not even it. I'm scared to invest myself in anything too much, because I think I might lose it. Or I think in the end it might not meet my expectations. Maybe the girl won't like me. Maybe I won't be the best guitar player in the history of mankind. Maybe I won't succeed in bringing down a system I don't like. And because I have such high expectations of myself, I'm afraid to even get started. I'm not even living anymore, I'm just watching the starting line. And I'm so sick of wasting my time thinking about nothing and everything. I'm tired of waiting for someone or something to come along and change my life. I want to give that control away, but I am so foolish to think someone will be able to act in all the directions I wish to move. I know there's something in me, but it is so frivolous to speculate how far it will take me. I guess I need some sort of motto to live by. I think I'll start a list. 1. If you don't try, you'll never know how far you could have gone.
posted by Rob and Lauren @ 10:11 PM
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