Things that Fly!

Trailing some new cure

Angeles- Elliot Smith.

I can't sleep.

It started out with green tea. I had read somewhere it has a huge amount of anti oxidants in it, and took to drinking a couple cups a day. Nevermind the fact that I don't even know what anti-oxidants are (doesn't it prevent cancer?). Anyways it happened kind of slowly I just wasn't paying attention, and now my cupboard is full of herbal teas. Chai, chamomile, ginger and peach, raspberry, etc. I guess I like tea. I think it will let me sleep better.

I also think a new bed will let me sleep better which is why I spent the last couple hours wandering around furniture warehouses staring at high ceilings. There are some comfy mattresses out there. But I don't want to spend $700 on a new bed unless I know I'm going to sleep better because of it. I think it would probably be cheaper to spend the money on prescribed sleeping meds.

here's the thing.
I am completely chemical free. I don't smoke, I don't drink (well I haven't been drunk in ages, but I enjoy a pint every so often), I don't do drugs (prescription or otherwise) Unless my head is splitting open and I can see the seams tearing I don't take advil. I'm stubborn. I eat as much organic food as possible. I work out everyday-- Everyday.

Yet... I still feel hugely unbalanced. I'm moody. Grumpy in general. Self loathing, but I enjoy it. I kind of wish I had a girlfriend, well actually I do, and if I woke up next to BP girl tomorrow I think I would be able to write songs again. I can deal with my moods and the world, and being girlfriendless (shagless) but it bothers me deeply that I can't sleepwell. Unconsciousness is a sweet escape, and when that is gone it gives me too much time to contemplate the horrible circumstances of my life and everyone else's, and thinking that way it seems like we're all clubbing baby seals and spitting on homeless people.

I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

posted by Rob and Lauren @ 4:42 PM