Things that Fly!

Could you be loved

Bob Marley.

There are about a dozen books on my desk right now on topics ranging from star gazing to eco-friendly architecture, from philosophy to fitness programs. I look at them all scattered around me, half read, open to various pages and see them for what they are-- a mess of my life.

What am I looking for? Why does my life feel so shapeless. I thought that I would be more passionate about my quest to change the world. My homepage right now is http://www.sustainability.ca/ which has the slogan "...If not now, when? If not us, who?" but that's all I know-- the slogan. Lately I've been working a lot and haven't had time to do greater investigation...But maybe that's not true since I have enough time for stars gazing, and house building. I feel at odds with myself. Like sometimes I'm wearing kaleidoscope googles and every shake and turn distorts an already unpercievable reality, bringing me no closer to any real view of the world and my place in it.

Things with the girl at work are cool. I haven't asked her for coffee yet. It seems like we have a bit in common. She likes emo music and is impressed I even know what it is, though Dashboard is one of my favorite bands. She tells me stories about her friends and her life, and though these aren't of a magnificent nature, I think 'wow, someone normal not afraid to lead a normal life' and I am both envious, attracted, and quiet. I want her to know that I love to play guitar, that I'm not impressed with our culture but I'm hopeful for the future (go recycle!), that I love going to art-house films on whyte, cold days and warm clothes, and that I drive in my car with the radio off because it gives me time to think. I want her to know intimate details about me, but I'm scared the more she knows the sooner she'll find out I'm a scam. That I am passionate about being passionate, with no real passion. That I will never think I'm the best at guitar, recycling, or even wearing warm clothes. The more I think about it the more I realize this is a girl I could handle right now if I put away all my unconventional fears and just took a small leap.

I can't believe I can do a backflip with out fear of spinal reprisals but I'm afraid to ask a girl to coffee.

posted by Rob and Lauren @ 10:58 PM