Keep it together
So often I find myself in the position of wanting to write something huge on here. I want to write about my life, I want verification from you that I'm not crazy. I want to tell you about my worries, my ideas, my triumphs and failures. I want to describe to you the tiny details, and the enormous perspectives. I would like to share with you a huge web of thought, that doesn't come from any one particular idea, but is in fact an entire mosaic of ideas and nuances that compose me as a unique individual. And I suppose I had hoped this blog would allow me to spill all this out, but I seem to be writing largely about silly things. I like it better when people laugh.Today's post won't be a laugh post. I was thinking about my mom today. I was thinking about how when I was away traveling I missed her so much. I phoned her often and we got really close, I told myself things would be really different when I came home. Since I got back things have sort of reverted back to the old adversarial sort of relationship. It's mainly me not understanding, or being frustrated that I'm not more sympathetic to her situation. My mom was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis while I was away and she didn't tell me until a couple weeks after I got back. She went through a lot while I was gone and pretended like nothing happened over the phone because she didn't want me to cut my trip short and come home.
Now I'm home and I just don't know how to react. I sort of shut her and almost everyone out of my life in periodic phases. I wake up late, work a long day, come home and say hello and goodnight to sis and mom, and then come downstairs and build myself and island with library books and blog posts.
Today I came home, ate everything in the fridge and then sat down and watched an episode of Friends (sis got a few seasons of DVDs for her birthday, I'm addicted) with my mom before she went to bed. She just started an MS workshop today that's supposed to help her to understand everything.
Now I'm listening to some Dave. One Sweet World. I'm going to spend more time with my family, I'm stupid to think the world will be changed by mildly-neurotic anti-social bookworms, it will more likely be changed by people passionate about other people--family is a good place to start.
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