Things that Fly!

Not Carb Friendly

Enter two middle aged, heavy set women, jabbering back and fourth with excited enthusiasm who look like they've just stepped out of a Dr. Phil Show

Me: Hey how's it going today? Welcome to Boston Pizza, can I [interrupted by customer 1]
Customer 1: Do you know what low carb means?
Me: Uh I think so. Would you like me to bring you our low-carb menu?
Me Inside 1: It's like when they take the food up to space and let monkeys decide what tastes better right?
Me Inside 2: Yeah, I'll start you guys off with a couple of sticks of celery.
Customer 2: Yes bring us a couple of those menus, and you do you have that new low carb coke drink here? Can we get a couple of those?
Me: We have Diet Pepsi.
Me Inside 1: We have Diet Pepsi. There aren't any carbs in it at all. That shit coke is selling is a total fucking scam, you idiots buy it because you're sheep at the mercy of every advertisers whim.
Me Inside 2: We have Diet Pepsi. It doesn't have any carbs and contains an artificial sweetener known as saccharine. You might be interested to know that your whole lives as consumers have already been worked out through the recorded behaviors of rats in a cage and their response to saccharine.
Customer 2: I guess Diet Pepsi will do, but let them know we want to see that coke drink in here.
Me inside 1: I'll let them know.


Returning to take food order after bringing two low-carb menus and two diet pepsi's.

Me: You're all decided here?
Customer 1: Yes, We'll take a couple of meal sized Caesar Salads, triple dressing, extra bacon, hold the toast (It's really horrible for you) and a two orders of dry ribs to start.
Me Inside 1: Would you like us to deep dry the "salads" for you with the Dry ribs or should I just bring a side of lard with your meal?
Me: Anything else for you?
Customer 2: are you sure this is diet pepsi, it tastes funny compared to the regular stuff.
Me: Can I bring you another, or a different beverage perhaps?
Customer 2: Will it taste the same?
Me: Yes
Me Inside 1: Not after I spit in it.

So I don't actually spit in peoples drinks. I'm a pretty nice guy. I don't always enjoy my job, but I understand it as a means to put me back in school and in an apartment of my own. For this I respect the people who I serve. I turn off my brain in short spurts so that I may converse with people who might otherwise make me more cynical about humanity. I do this for their sake because I know that deep down people are good and that I still have hope for our culture.

This carb thing has caught a particularly nasty side of me. I can't believe how ignorant the majority of our culture is.
1. Why are you on a low carb diet? You're likely on it because you want to lose weight and look better. Why do you want to look better? Because you watch too much TV where bikini clad anorexic models with impossible proportions are prancing around in trashy reality TV shows. To be like them would be cool right? Not so much.
2. I'm all for eating right (read balanced not anti-carb) and being healthy. It isn't healthy to follow the herd off a cliff to achieve an impossible body shape. If you want to lose weight get your ass on the stair master, and try a little exercise instead of going carb crazy.
3. I particularly detest how everyone is catering to everyone else with this carb thing. McDonalds, Subway, Boston Pizza, Coke and Atkins Atkins Atkins. This is a proof of the failure of Capitalism. Ideally in capitalism producers seek to inform consumers about their products so that consumers may make informed decisions and decided what's best for them. The trouble is that no real information about the products is presented, the consumer isn't informed. The producers product is simply paired with a provocative (usually intensely sexual) image and led to believe the two are connected. I can tell you right now, 100%, you will not look like Britney Spears if you chow down at any of the food places I listed above or waste yourself away on an Atkins supplement diet.
4. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time....I can only think of ideas like "carb friendly" as "anti-living" don't waste your life away on advertised fads.

posted by Rob and Lauren @ 1:20 AM