Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Unraveled

I've been seeing a lot of this girl lately. I can't get enough of her. Time spent with her doesn't feel like time spent at all. Never before has the clock been such a lethal weapon. Happiness envelopes me.

I think as a direct result of this happiness I have been unable to post (at least anything decent). She is like a strong dose of anti-cynicism with the effect of paralyzing any of my known writing abilities. I would really like to write about her but I don't have the words or the necessary style.

Besides lacking my usual cynicism, I think I just might be too scared to actually write. I fear that I might say something previously uncharacteristic and lose affection as a result. What it comes down to really is a fear of myself. Now this is a familiar battle ground (see previous 100 posts). I'm afraid that she'll see me for someone that I'm not. I am a person who views everyday as a huge opportunity for learning and growth and I am consequently afraid that I may spontaneously change into someone she may not like, or that time will reveal a professed side of craziness in myself.

This is where my thought thermometer explodes and I put things in perspective. This girl is amazing and while I know she can't possibly know everything about me, I know I don't know everything about her. But I'm excited to discover her and equally excited for her to discover me. I'm a weird guy. I know that. I think it's alright, and I think she might think so too. What follows is the interesting part that I've been otherwise trying to avoid, just being myself and not being afraid.


I Know this wasn't a terribly interesting post, and definitely not in my usual style, but I think it's something I needed to get out of my system. It may also help to explain the possible change of tone or topic etc in posts to come.



1 Comments:

At 4:59 PM, Blogger ames said...

Yaaaaaay for this girl......whoever she is!

 

Post a Comment

<< Home